It’s been a long while since I have updated! I’ve been busy living life and loving it. DNRS has definitely become a more natural rhythm in my daily life, it doesn’t take nearly as much effort and I don’t worry about how long I have until I reach full recovery. Slow and steady wins the race! I’m grateful I didn’t know I’d still be practicing for this long when I first started, the urgency was real in me then, but the urgency has almost disappeared as of late.
It’s interesting looking back at my early months of recovery and seeing them now as a honeymoon phase. It was pure bliss every day for those early months– the bliss is still there in good doses, but it’s turned more into a sustainable calm. I have my bouts of limbic-system driven moments, but I’m always surprised by the immediacy that I notice them and the calm that my higher self maintains. My pre-DNRS self feels somewhat like a vague memory. I rarely find myself thinking about those times, other than to not take for granted the healing I’ve experienced, or to offer my whole self, even that self, compassion.
Some shifts and successes I’ve been experiencing over the last months:
- I’ve believed with certainty for a long time now that my emotional state doesn’t get to dictate how my day is. If I’m in a bad mood at any given time, I know I can get out of it and no day needs to be called “bad” at the end of it. I am finally coming to know with full confidence now that my physical state doesn’t get to dictate how my day is either. My state can change any moment, and even if it doesn’t, I get to choose goodness and beauty. I am so eternally grateful for this gift of a truth. I have had many experiences recently that would not have been positive if it wasn’t for my journey with DNRS. I recently went to a lake with my family. I had been looking forward to this time together for a very long while. When I was there, my ITs were amplified and if I wouldn’t have known about my brain being stuck in a rut, or about being able to change my brain, I wouldn’t have had the capacity to enjoy my trip. BUT I enjoyed the shit out of my trip. Every day was beautiful. I chose joy, I chose fun, I chose being present to the moment and the beauty and the love. Sometimes it felt like it was choosing me, too. And I gained so much confidence that I don’t have to worry about ITs ruining anything. They ain’t got that power. They might change how I go about my day a bit (in an effort to show myself love and compassion), but different isn’t bad. Sometimes different is where all the meaning and joy is found. Sometimes my ITs lead me to plans that are better than the plans that I had.
- I am amazed by how drastically different my inner dialogue is. It’s completely transformed. My inner voice is full of comfort, strength, and encouragement. The best part is, I am not trying anymore. It’s become automatic. When I feel shame, helplessness, or frustration within myself, I never stop there. There is always an inner dialogue between limbie and my higher self, and it’s so gentle. God is so good. He feels present there. This might be the best shift I’ve experienced in my journey with DNRS.
- My interior world feels so much lighter. I used to feel so much darkness in there. I had a friend tell me that she was intimidated by the darkness I radiated in the past. She could see a difference.
- I’m finding myself less and less content around people who are stuck in negative loops and thought patterns. That used to be comfortable for me. I used to relate. I don’t relate anymore.
- I’m no longer reactive to weather!! Wind, heat, rain, cold—it’s all good!
- I’ve grown, and continue to grow, exponentially in my boundaries and feeling okay with saying no. I no longer take responsibility for weights that aren’t mine to carry. I can surrender them to God and trust in His Providence. Letting go of my saviour complex.
- I felt confident in my body at the beach for a moment. My body has changed so much in this journey. Eating all the foods and having babies and enjoying life has changed my body. I can look on it with affection and gentleness. I was able to extend that to all the people I saw at the beach and it was so freeing. I look forward to healing more in this area 🙂
- I am learning to have healthy, authentic relationships with my healthcare providers. This is big. I’m learning to laugh with them and see them as human beings, not threats.
- We found mold in our home (this has never been a trigger for me in the past). Limbie is not a huge fan, but I am immensely grateful that I am in the right place to move forward. I have all the tools I need! I know it’ll work out just fine.
- I continue to experience more and more freedom with food– mentally, emotionally and physically.
- I’m learning a bit about the fawn response to trauma, and realizing so many things about myself that are limbic-system related that I would have never guessed! The potential for healing is so exciting!
Praying you all continue to experience deep healing!
Life in Between 